5.30.06 - WPA has the application

Holy cow!! We received an e-mail from WPA today (Tues) stating they received our application! I snail mailed it Friday, nothing happens on Sunday, and Monday was Memorial Day. And WPA is in Georgia!! I don't think I overnighted it. I just told the postman, "Regular postage please." Wow!

Anyway, it was a very nice introductory e-mail. Probably no big deal for any of you reading, but it made us pretty excited.

Hi Jim and Jennifer,

Welcome to World Partners Adoption, we received your application and we will begin processing it immediately. We are looking forward to working with you and to helping you bring home a new addition to your family.

I am sending out your Kazakhstan Program Manual via Priority Mail; you should receive it in a few days. It will answer many of your current questions and undoubtedly create a few more! It will give you a clear idea of our policies and expectations and explain in detail what you need to be working on at each point in the process. It will also overwhelm you! It is a 3-ring binder packed with information about all aspects of your pending adoption. Our advice is simple; take things "step-by-step," reading each section as you approach that part of the process. Certainly we can't keep you from reading ahead, but if you do, it may confuse rather than help at this early point in time and our job is to keep your level of confusion and frustration down to a minimum!

Your coordinator, Mary, will be setting up an appointment to speak with you about the process and to go over all of your questions about the information you will be receiving. If she does not contact you soon after you receive the packet, please call her to set up this conference, as it is important to insure you have a complete understanding of the process.

This journey can seem overwhelming at many times and it is important to all of us at World Partners that you receive a high level of support from our agency throughout the entire process. Please work closely with Mary, as she will help to guide you and keep you focused on the tasks at hand. Cindy and myself are always here for you as well so don't ever hesitate to pick up the phone.

The more you read and the more questions you ask during this time the better prepared you will be for all aspects of adopting your child. When you receive the manual it will answer many of the questions you have and give you an understanding of how things will work from this point forward. Thank you for placing your trust in us, I am sure you will not be disappointed.

Best Regards,
Jim Harding
World Partners Adoption

The next exciting thing was knowing that we are now on their official "adoptive family" list (or whatever they call it) because a couple hours after that, Mary, our coordinator, e-mailed all the couples she is working with on a document change for the dossier. Blah, blah, blah. Again, probably not one of those details you guys care about, but to me, it just indicated I was "in." I made the e-mail distribution list.

Yesterday was a great day. We went to Mom and Dad Matasovsky's for a Memorial barbecue and I spent most of the time with my almost 6 mo old niece and Steph (sister-in-law). It was great to talk to a new mom. She had lots of thoughts and ideas and best of all- she listened to me ramble on and on! :-)

I think that's one of the hardest things about all of this is there is no one to talk to. I don't mean you guys because you all know (for future readers, the updates of this blog are only being sent to immediate family and very close friends at this point in time), but we don't want to "go public" until we pass the homestudy. That limits what I talk to who about. And Dad, while I can't even begin to tell you how much your quick e-mails and prayers mean to me, I know researching the difference between a ring sling and a mei tai (two different types of baby carriers) is not top on your list. :-)

So anyway, it was really nice to talk to Steph (a new mom) yesterday.

We're also starting to think of names, so if you've got a suggestion, throw it out there! Sure, why not? We'll listen to ideas and suggestions. I'm keeping a little journal with a list of all the names that catch our fancy. I'll warn you up front that we won't tell you what we choose until it's either a done deal or until we just can't hold it in because we found the most "perfect" name (the more realistic choice as Jim and I just can't seem to keep any exciting news to ourselves), but I'm definitely open to suggestions. I have realized already that I need to have about 22 baby girls and about 16 baby boys just to utilize all the names I really like so far. Given my finances, I can't adopt that many, and given my 31 years, I can't birth that many either so I'm left with narrowing down the options.

Picking a name this early might sound really silly (it does to me partly) and especially because the name we pick, might not go to our referral. What does that mean? Ok, say we choose the name Sally (which is not on our list). We start getting ready for Sally's arrival (assuming we pass the home study) and instead of saying, "our little girl" we actually start calling her Sally. Ok, so then we get the referral. We will get a picture of her, maybe a video. We'll get her medicals and work with an international adoption doctor here at the UofM to determine if she's healthy. So then we decide to accept the referral. Now we have a face to go with the name. Sally all of a sudden becomes someone specific. We call her Sally when we talk to each other, we look at pictures of Sally. Ok, so a month later we get to Kaz. "Sally" is gone. Kaz law states that if a Kaz citizen wants to adopt, he/she gets first preference. Meaning the baby house will do their best to hold a referral for us, but if a Kazakhstani walks in and sees our "Sally, " that person can legally adopt her. Now does that mean we fly back home with no baby? No. There are no instances of that happening in WPA. All that means is that we now get a different baby girl. That process is what's called "losing a referral." WPA places 120 babies a year from Kaz and they have only had 4 lost referrals EVER (and again, 0 instances of anyone leaving the country without a baby), but what does that do to my heart and my emotions if I now have a face to go with the name and she's not ours afterall? If I'm the less than 1% who loses a referral, do I name the next baby Sally? Or do I let the name Sally go with the face, and choose a new name for our new little girl? Or is the <1% not worth worrying about? But anyway, as to the choosing of the name... I'm simply tired of calling her "our girl" or "our little girl." It would be nice to have a name to call her. Otherwise we'll all get home and we'll still call her Girl. :-) So yeah, we're rocking and rolling on the process- do we get excited about the name and pick it now (now being in like 0-5 months) or wait for like 8-10 months to go by?

Listen to me!! I'm talking about all this as if the homestudy is a done deal!! :-) We could use as many prayers as you guys are willing to give on that part (and we'll definitely keep you updated on that), but on the other hand, I do have a sense of peace about all this. Maybe I shouldn't say that out loud, but I do kind of. I just have a feeling that this will be a rather smooth and timely process. "Timely" is still relative of course as I'm counting on a year.

I should probably stop typing while I'm ahead- although I think that was long ago. I really only signed on to type the "Holy cow, they got it already!" line. Funny how I guess I had more to say than just that.

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05.26.06 - Posting Comments

If you're interested in commenting on our posts, there is an easy way to do that. You don't have to comment on the blog- feel free to send an e-mail, but if you want to, it would be fun for us to have a record of your thoughts along the way as well as our own. Here's how to do it:

- At the bottom of each post, there is a line that says, "Post/read comments." Click on that line.
- Type your comments in the box.
- Click on the dot that says "Other."
- Type your name so we know who the comment is from.
- Go down to "Word Verification" and type the letters you see above. This is a little weird, but it prevents automated computer programs from spamming us and overwhelming us with junk comments.
- Click on "Publish Your Comment"

Easy as that.

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05.26.06 - And we're off!!

No, not to Kazakhstan. Not yet anyway. :-) Paperwork Round 1 is complete! It's in the mail. The notarized stuff is in a packet that is both registered and requires signature. So why is "in the mail" a big deal? Well other than the obvious of course- you can neither succeed nor fail if you don't try... But the even bigger deal is that the checks went out with it. Nice sized checks. Granted we still have to pass the home study, but we're committed now. Before it was all just talk. Now it really is "something."

You guys should have seen the stack of paperwork. Once I made copies of everything for myself, the stack was two inches tall! Now I will say it's separated into about 8 Manila folders, so they added to the height, but still...

Jim was so cute the other day. See, we have to get letters from our doctors stating we're in good health so I called our clinic and made appointments for both of us for physicals and blood work. Well Jim doesn't like doctors and the sight of his own blood makes him quite queasy and he turns white. So the morning of his appointment the first thing he does when he wakes up is grumble, "I have to go to the doctor today." :-) Poor guy. He survived though. He said they sucked so much blood out of him that his arm shriveled and turned to a prune. I tried to call him on it by saying, "C'mon! They only take three small vials." He was adamant though. He insisted that they were three barrels and that his whole arm did shrivel up. :-)

So anyway, what's next? I think I've mentioned this before, but I'll go through it again as there are many details to this process. In order to adopt, we have to go through what's called a home study. A social worker will come visit us at least twice, and both visits will take about 3 hours each. She/He then gives us a thumbs up or down. If we get the thumbs up, he/she writes a report saying as such.

So what I did today was I mailed off two application forms (plus some other documents). The first application went to the agency we want to use to adopt from Kazakhstan. World Partners Adoption. They will start processing our application, but won't finalize it until they receive two things: 1) 4 positive reference letters, 2) passing result from the homestudy.

The second application form was to the home study agency- Summit Adoption Home Studies here in St. Paul. WPA does home studies as well, but they are located in the state of Georgia. We are not. :-) Therefore because we chose an adoption agency out of state, we must choose a home study agency in state. (The commuter cost to get a social worker from Georgia to MN a couple of times would kill us.) :-) Not to mention the home study has to be per MN law.

Summit also required a lot of documentation (some notarized, some not) to accompany our application. They will process both and if we come back as viable adoptive parents (no criminal history, etc), they will contact us to set up the appointments.

So that's the next step. We start the home study process which can take anywhere from a month to three months.

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05.24.06 - Just about there!

OH. MY. GOSH! It's almost done! Phase 1 of the paperwork is just about complete!! Woo hoo! I can't tell you how excited I am- almost to the point of being giddy! When I actually drop it off at the post office, I'll come back and write a little more, but essentially I've made copies of everything and all I have to do tonight is write out a bunch of checks, stuff everything into envelopes, write a bunch of addresses and whatnot, and then head to the post office! Even though I'll be ready to do that tomorrow (Thursday), my work schedule probably won't allow for a trip to the post office, so I think I'll go Friday morning. That's probably a good idea anyway as I can go in the middle of the morning when there's not lines a mile long like there is over lunch hour or at 4pm in the afternoon. (Course for all I know, the line is ALWAYS a mile long no matter what time a day!) :-) Here's hoping that's not the case.

Anyway... Even though nothing is officially in the mail, I'm just thrilled to death that I'm ready to start stuffing envelopes! And of course I had to share! :-)

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05.14.06 - Paperwork is Almost Complete

The paperwork is heading towards complete. I say heading towards because I fear that the last 20% may require 80% of the effort- you know how that goes. Here are a couple of pictures. I've got the documents organized pretty decently. Keep in mind, this isn't even the main portion of the paperwork. This is just to apply!































The folders you see are:

• World Partners Adoption Application - 6 page form
• Summit Adoption Home Studies Application - 5 page form + 1 page written description of our house, property, and neighborhood
• Agency forms (non-notarized) - This is stuff like when you close on a house. You initial in all the right places saying you understand what your responsibility is, what the agencies is, that you agree to abide by the rules, you understand the privacy laws, etc.
• Agency background forms (notarized) one set for Jim and one set for Jen- This includes signing that you're not a child molester, you've never been arrested, no record of sexual abuse, either giving or receiving, etc. These ones get notarized and then they start running background checks.
• I-600A - This is the gov't doc you fill out when you "plan to adopt a foreign-born orphan but [do] not have a specific child in mind." This one involves birth certificates and a marriage certificate.
• Lastly, the "fun" documents- Jim has the responsibility to call the police dept and get a police clearance letter and get us fingerprinted. Jen gets to work with the health insurance folks to get a letter proving our medical coverage will cover adopted children. We both have to go to the doctors and have them fill out and sign a form that we're not ill- either physically or mentally. Lots of fun things like that. Luckily we can send in the application forms and then send this stuff within 30 days or so after that.

Whew! Ain't this fun ya'll?! :-) Actually, it's not so bad. Once you start digging in, it's just a matter of having your checklist and checking it twice. That's what all those pink tabs are for actually. I started writing a checklist, but we quickly got confused with what the item referred to and with which form, etc. So I just went through everything and where there was an incomplete, I put a pink sticky and put who the action belonged to. Then when either Jim or I complete an action, we can pull off a sticky and throw it away. It's a good gauge for how complete we are, who has the most action items, and what folders are complete. Not to mention the feel good sensation of peeling off a sticky and throwing it away. Don't minimize the small pleasures in this process!

The other piece of paper in the picture is just our financial tracking document. If you can make out the dark blue line, that's how much money we have to have (y axis) at a particular date (x axis). There are other lines on there indicating how much we've saved up to date, and what we've spent so far, but you can't see those lines in the picture as they are light colored and the picture isn't that big.

Switching topics, one of the things that weighs on my mind is that once we start this process, we don't want to stop simply because the documents will expire. For instance, if we pay $900 for the I-600A form, and something happens and we can't use it within 18 months, we have to pay for it again. See, here's the dilemma. We've got a plan to get all the money we need. We think we can get there in time and reach the goal. But it will be tight. Really tight. And Jim and I are not good at long term planning. We just aren't. Why save up for the one thousand dollar item, when there's an affordable and fun one hundred dollar item in front of us. The satisfaction of the short term overpowers the desire to see the long term to completion. This is one of our downfalls as individuals, and most definitely as a couple.

So here we are at a cross-roads. We have half the money we need. We have plenty to start the process. Do we wait for the other half- which we know is NOT a strong point for either of us (waiting and saving), but is definitely the more conservative option. Or do we get the ball rolling and use the incentive of losing all the initial money if we don't buckle down and stick to "the plan?"

This brings on a serious philosophical discussion I've been having with myself lately. I often hear from people in many different situations say, "We don't know where the money will come from, but we're trusting in God." I understand this. I do. When God indicates a path to take and you don't know how to overcome the obstacles, listen to Him and go down the path and trust that He'll take care of you. But the cynical side of me says, "Isn't it poor financial management and fiscal responsibility to spend (or intend to spend) money that you don't have?" That is also true. Which is "truer?" Is it black and white? Definitely seems grey to me, but should it be? Oh sure, I realize there's a difference in intent. Adopting a child is different than buying a BMW. {Pause} Dang! That really puts things into perspective. I got a question once (and I admit, the thought has echoed around in my head when the going gets tight), "Why do you want to spend all that money for a kid, when you can simply make one for free?" Now that I think about it, a mid-line 330x BMW costs more than it does to travel around the world and bring home a child in need of love and a safe home. {Shaking my head with tears in my eyes} Can you imagine that?! I can get a child or a car for the same price. Pick one. Man! When put that way, I feel extremely blessed that I can get a child for so cheap. Imagine what I'd have to pay if I actually had to pay the full worth. Or maybe that comes later in the teenage years. :-)

Well that mini revelation just brightened my outlook significantly. A car or a baby.

I still struggle with "wait" or "go" and what is the "right" thing to do. I think we'll end up with the "go" as a little motivation never hurts anybody. Wait and see!

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05.12.06 - Jen's Passport

I filed for my passport today. That was exciting in a small way. I guess it was simply an accomplishment after months of no accomplishments.

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