OH. MY. GOSH! It's almost done! Phase 1 of the paperwork is just about complete!! Woo hoo! I can't tell you how excited I am- almost to the point of being giddy! When I actually drop it off at the post office, I'll come back and write a little more, but essentially I've made copies of everything and all I have to do tonight is write out a bunch of checks, stuff everything into envelopes, write a bunch of addresses and whatnot, and then head to the post office! Even though I'll be ready to do that tomorrow (Thursday), my work schedule probably won't allow for a trip to the post office, so I think I'll go Friday morning. That's probably a good idea anyway as I can go in the middle of the morning when there's not lines a mile long like there is over lunch hour or at 4pm in the afternoon. (Course for all I know, the line is ALWAYS a mile long no matter what time a day!) :-) Here's hoping that's not the case.
Anyway... Even though nothing is officially in the mail, I'm just thrilled to death that I'm ready to start stuffing envelopes! And of course I had to share! :-)
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Wednesday
Sunday
05.14.06 - Paperwork is Almost Complete
The paperwork is heading towards complete. I say heading towards because I fear that the last 20% may require 80% of the effort- you know how that goes. Here are a couple of pictures. I've got the documents organized pretty decently. Keep in mind, this isn't even the main portion of the paperwork. This is just to apply! 
The folders you see are:
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The folders you see are:
- World Partners Adoption Application - 6 page form
- Summit Adoption Home Studies Application - 5 page form + 1 page written description of our house, property, and neighborhood
- Agency forms (non-notarized) - This is stuff like when you close on a house. You initial in all the right places saying you understand what your responsibility is, what the agencies is, that you agree to abide by the rules, you understand the privacy laws, etc.
- Agency background forms (notarized) one set for Jim and one set for Jen- This includes signing that you're not a child molester, you've never been arrested, no record of sexual abuse, either giving or receiving, etc. These ones get notarized and then they start running background checks.
- I-600A - This is the gov't doc you fill out when you "plan to adopt a foreign-born orphan but [do] not have a specific child in mind." This one involves birth certificates and a marriage certificate.
- Lastly, the "fun" documents- Jim has the responsibility to call the police dept and get a police clearance letter and get us fingerprinted. Jen gets to work with the health insurance folks to get a letter proving our medical coverage will cover adopted children. We both have to go to the doctors and have them fill out and sign a form that we're not ill- either physically or mentally. Lots of fun things like that. Luckily we can send in the application forms and then send this stuff within 30 days or so after that.
Whew! Ain't this fun ya'll?! :-) Actually, it's not so bad. Once you start digging in, it's just a matter of having your checklist and checking it twice. That's what all those pink tabs are for actually. I started writing a checklist, but we quickly got confused with what the item referred to and with which form, etc. So I just went through everything and where there was an incomplete, I put a pink sticky and put who the action belonged to. Then when either Jim or I complete an action, we can pull off a sticky and throw it away. It's a good gauge for how complete we are, who has the most action items, and what folders are complete. Not to mention the feel good sensation of peeling off a sticky and throwing it away. Don't minimize the small pleasures in this process!
The other piece of paper in the picture is just our financial tracking document. If you can make out the dark blue line, that's how much money we have to have (y axis) at a particular date (x axis). There are other lines on there indicating how much we've saved up to date, and what we've spent so far, but you can't see those lines in the picture as they are light colored and the picture isn't that big.
Switching topics, one of the things that weighs on my mind is that once we start this process, we don't want to stop simply because the documents will expire. For instance, if we pay $900 for the I-600A form, and something happens and we can't use it within 18 months, we have to pay for it again. See, here's the dilemma. We've got a plan to get all the money we need. We think we can get there in time and reach the goal. But it will be tight. Really tight. And Jim and I are not good at long term planning. We just aren't. Why save up for the one thousand dollar item, when there's an affordable and fun one hundred dollar item in front of us. The satisfaction of the short term overpowers the desire to see the long term to completion. This is one of our downfalls as individuals, and most definitely as a couple.
So here we are at a cross-roads. We have half the money we need. We have plenty to start the process. Do we wait for the other half- which we know is NOT a strong point for either of us (waiting and saving), but is definitely the more conservative option. Or do we get the ball rolling and use the incentive of losing all the initial money if we don't buckle down and stick to "the plan?"
This brings on a serious philosophical discussion I've been having with myself lately. I often hear from people in many different situations say, "We don't know where the money will come from, but we're trusting in God." I understand this. I do. When God indicates a path to take and you don't know how to overcome the obstacles, listen to Him and go down the path and trust that He'll take care of you. But the cynical side of me says, "Isn't it poor financial management and fiscal responsibility to spend (or intend to spend) money that you don't have?" That is also true. Which is "truer?" Is it black and white? Definitely seems grey to me, but should it be? Oh sure, I realize there's a difference in intent. Adopting a child is different than buying a BMW. {Pause} Dang! That really puts things into perspective. I got a question once (and I admit, the thought has echoed around in my head when the going gets tight), "Why do you want to spend all that money for a kid, when you can simply make one for free?" Now that I think about it, a mid-line 330x BMW costs more than it does to travel around the world and bring home a child in need of love and a safe home. {Shaking my head with tears in my eyes} Can you imagine that?! I can get a child or a car for the same price. Pick one. Man! When put that way, I feel extremely blessed that I can get a child for so cheap. Imagine what I'd have to pay if I actually had to pay the full worth. Or maybe that comes later in the teenage years. :-)
Well that mini revelation just brightened my outlook significantly. A car or a baby.
I still struggle with "wait" or "go" and what is the "right" thing to do. I think we'll end up with the "go" as a little motivation never hurts anybody. Wait and see!
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05.12.06 - Jen's Passport
3.19.06 - Paperwork Overload
Wow, has it really been over a month since I last "checked in?" Time just seems to fly. After my brother shared his wonderful and surprising news, I got to thinking about when we needed to step up the process. If you remember I mentioned we had some time to wait since we wouldn't be able to travel until next spring. So I had Jer on my mind and I was reading blogs and I thought, "Ok, if I want to travel in March, I need to start the process... [Counting on my fingers] OH MY GOSH!!!!! I HAVE TO START NOW OR I'M GONNA BE LAAAAATE!!" LOL! Where the months went I don't know. I'm sure I'll be saying that for the rest of my life. Time just keeps slipping by faster and faster. Almost makes you wish for the days when you were a kid and time was this never ending fathomless measurement scheme adults used to torture kids with: "When you're older you can..." "In 5 years you'll be able to..." "Maybe some day..." Now when I think of older I think of less energy, and in 5 years most of my hair will be gray, and maybe some day if I'm lucky, my body will stop falling apart little piece by little piece. Ah alas, if only someone could invent a way to slow time.
Well I didn't sign on to pontificate on the vagaries of getting older. I have stepped up the process. Sort of. I have the agency application form and I downloaded the I-600A form (gov't form to officially petition to adopt an orphan), and our passport forms (yes, I know I'm probably the only person alive over the age of 18 to not have a passport). Jim's has expired so he only needs to renew- lucky dog. I also received the paperwork from the home study agency. Oh gol, all the paperwork piled up together is almost a half inch thick. :-( And they want all sorts of information. I knew this going in, but it didn't become real until I had to know where exactly my parents were born, and just what cultural heritage I practice. Huh? I guess that should be American? United States American? As a country we spend so much time focused on diversity that we focus all our attention on other heritages and other cultures that it seems we forget our own. What culture and what heritage am I? What would all of you put down if asked that? "The forgotten one?" Ooh, ooh, ooh! How about this one: "Please list the address of every place you've lived in the past 10 years. Use a separate sheet of paper if you must." Oh gol.... I'll have to start pulling out tax forms to figure this one out. 10 years means back to college for me. I dunno. And I haven't exactly been known for staying in place for very long.
So I admit, I went so far as to gather the paperwork, but once I started in on it, I'm quite intimidated and it's been sitting here untouched for the past week. And of course they all have big bold words stating on the gov't forms that lying- even unintentionally can be a federal crime, and on the agency forms the big bold words state that if they find out you're lying, all communication ceases and I get zero dollars back. Well now if that doesn't intimidate me... What's a lie anyway? Yeah sure I know that if I have been arrested and I fail to disclose that, that is a lie. (I have not been arrested by the way.) But what about if I misspell Jim's city of birth. Will they call me up and say, "Mrs. Matasovsky, we found no records of a James M. Matasovsky in Amarillo, Texas. You lied to us! You are hereby dismissed!" Should I say, "Oops, sorry. Try Amarilo with one 'l' and let me know what you find." Hmph! I'm a big picture person, not a detailed person. It may be my downfall.
So that's the latest scoop. Nothing exciting to report other than providing you with the mental image of a large stack of crisp white papers dancing on my desk shouting, "Na, na, na, boo, boo" while I am crouched cowering into the wall in the farthest point in the room from these perplexing personified papers.
I did nonchalantly pose the seemingly harmless question to Jim, "Are you a big picture person or a detail person?" Of course I knew the answer to that (I've been married to the man for over 5 years), but I wanted him to say it. He fell quite neatly into my trap by saying, "Oh hands down I'm a detailed person!" My response was to do a quick jig and clap my hands and say, "Oh good! You can do the paperwork!" He just gave me a withering look and shook his fist. Ah well... I see I still need to do a bit more convincing. Perhaps the thought of federal prison will make him more inclined to be the one to put ink to paper.
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Well I didn't sign on to pontificate on the vagaries of getting older. I have stepped up the process. Sort of. I have the agency application form and I downloaded the I-600A form (gov't form to officially petition to adopt an orphan), and our passport forms (yes, I know I'm probably the only person alive over the age of 18 to not have a passport). Jim's has expired so he only needs to renew- lucky dog. I also received the paperwork from the home study agency. Oh gol, all the paperwork piled up together is almost a half inch thick. :-( And they want all sorts of information. I knew this going in, but it didn't become real until I had to know where exactly my parents were born, and just what cultural heritage I practice. Huh? I guess that should be American? United States American? As a country we spend so much time focused on diversity that we focus all our attention on other heritages and other cultures that it seems we forget our own. What culture and what heritage am I? What would all of you put down if asked that? "The forgotten one?" Ooh, ooh, ooh! How about this one: "Please list the address of every place you've lived in the past 10 years. Use a separate sheet of paper if you must." Oh gol.... I'll have to start pulling out tax forms to figure this one out. 10 years means back to college for me. I dunno. And I haven't exactly been known for staying in place for very long.
So I admit, I went so far as to gather the paperwork, but once I started in on it, I'm quite intimidated and it's been sitting here untouched for the past week. And of course they all have big bold words stating on the gov't forms that lying- even unintentionally can be a federal crime, and on the agency forms the big bold words state that if they find out you're lying, all communication ceases and I get zero dollars back. Well now if that doesn't intimidate me... What's a lie anyway? Yeah sure I know that if I have been arrested and I fail to disclose that, that is a lie. (I have not been arrested by the way.) But what about if I misspell Jim's city of birth. Will they call me up and say, "Mrs. Matasovsky, we found no records of a James M. Matasovsky in Amarillo, Texas. You lied to us! You are hereby dismissed!" Should I say, "Oops, sorry. Try Amarilo with one 'l' and let me know what you find." Hmph! I'm a big picture person, not a detailed person. It may be my downfall.
So that's the latest scoop. Nothing exciting to report other than providing you with the mental image of a large stack of crisp white papers dancing on my desk shouting, "Na, na, na, boo, boo" while I am crouched cowering into the wall in the farthest point in the room from these perplexing personified papers.
I did nonchalantly pose the seemingly harmless question to Jim, "Are you a big picture person or a detail person?" Of course I knew the answer to that (I've been married to the man for over 5 years), but I wanted him to say it. He fell quite neatly into my trap by saying, "Oh hands down I'm a detailed person!" My response was to do a quick jig and clap my hands and say, "Oh good! You can do the paperwork!" He just gave me a withering look and shook his fist. Ah well... I see I still need to do a bit more convincing. Perhaps the thought of federal prison will make him more inclined to be the one to put ink to paper.
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2.12.06 - Why Kaz
I kinda realized I didn't mention why we chose Kazakhstan. First, note the cute pictures included in this post. They're both of Bruno.
So why Kaz? Well at first when we were looking at all the different countries, we bypassed Kaz for the simple reason that the in-country stay is 1 trip of 5-7 weeks or 2 trips the first of which is 3 weeks and the second it 2 weeks. Seemed like way too much time to be away from the house, the dogs, work, a paycheck... so we didn't even give it a second thought. Not to mention, the agency we were initially thinking of working with had only used Kaz a couple of times. Kazakhstan was a pilot program so they didn't have a lot of information to provide us.
Just to be thorough in our agency search, I used RainbowKids agency search wizard to request information packets from agencies who worked in the countries we thought we were interested. I must have received 50 packets in the mail over the span of 3 weeks. (I'm guessing our mail person knows what we're up to!) Every night it was my job to sort through all the packets and highlight the good things and the bad, categorize them, and file the packets and comments away. Well I came across this one packet that had a ton of info on Kaz. It totally intrigued me! I read it a couple of times and as soon as Jim came home from the bookstore, I showed it to him, and he too was very interested.
That's when the search for information started. I have no idea how people survive currently without the internet, and I have no idea how people used to survive without it. I was able to find about 100 websites of people who have gone to Kaz and I read all their stories, saw their babies, looked at their pictures of the country, etc. Then I found the forums or discussion boards. I read all of the threads which were very informative and even posted a couple of questions myself to which people responded helpfully. This is actually how I researched who the best agencies were for Kaz. It became very apparent quite quickly.
So that's the point Jim and I decided to choose the country. I admit, part of the decision was logical, part of it was emotional. The emotional side was that we were both drawn to Kazakhstan. After all the reading we had both done, we really liked the country. I felt like I had almost been there. I had read about the Tsum and seen pictures, and been the Rainbow cafe, and I saw the statues of Lenin. I even feel like I know what the climate and the flora and fauna are like. It feels like this is a country to be explored- not to just zip in, pick up a kid, and then zip back out again. Not that there is anything wrong with that by any means, but Jim and I decided we wanted to experience the country and the people too. We want to know about our daughter's history and background and have something to show her and tell her until she's old enough to decide if she wants to go and visit it too. I have every intention of making a scrap book (ok, so I'm not really that creative- let's just call it a photo album with comments) on her birth country to give to her; or to keep for us if she decides she wants to make one of her own some day.
So that's the emotional side. It's foreign country, but it doesn't really seem all that foreign after all that I have read and seen. And we just feel a pull towards it.
The other aspect is the logical side. In other words, the care the babies get. Now anyone who has looked into adoption knows that foster care is better than an institution, but a lot of countries aren't set up for foster care. From there, institutions range widely. A nicer name for an institution is an orphanage, and an even nicer name is a baby house (or children's house depending on the age of the kids). This is what they call them in Kaz, so hence forth, I will refer to them as baby houses. From what I've read, the baby houses in Kaz are some of the best in the world- in some cases, even better than what we have here in the states. I've looked at some pictures for orphanages in other countries and it's truly heartbreaking. There are no decorations. The floors that the babies play on are hard vinyl- similar to an old school building. The cribs are cold metal- they look more like cages than cribs, and I've even seen one picture of a country where there is a room full of cribs (maybe 15) and each crib holds 2 to 4 babies and in this room there are only two caregivers. On one hand, it makes me want to rescue all those babies!, but on the other hand, that is their "rescue." The fact that they are even there is an indication that someone cares enough to bring them out of the cold and feed them and bathe them- even if they don't get the attention babies require.
Anyway, when I saw pictures of the baby houses in Kaz, I was floored!
In a good way! Silly as it sounds, they had rugs, and toys, and wooden cribs, and walkers, and murals on the walls in color! 
The toddlers take music lessons and put on little shows for all the parents coming to pick up children. There are playgrounds in the back and the toddlers get to play on them. Many of the items are donated by the agencies and by the parents coming to get children. i.e. when we travel, we'll bring a whole suitcase or two of gifts to give to the caretakers and the baby house. 
I attached some photos of one of the baby houses so you can see what I mean.
Even though the surroundings are nice, the important thing is the care. I'm going to copy an excerpt from WPA, but it summarizes everything I've heard from the people who have gone over there to adopt.
Kazakhstan has an excellent reputation of caring for their children who live in their orphanage system. Often when the children leave the orphanage or baby house through adoption, there are many bittersweet tears from the staff and caregivers, since they love these children so dearly and will miss them- yet they only want them to have a happy life. When post placement reports are sent back and pictures of the children are given to the baby house, the caregivers remember each of the children by name and are delighted to see them thriving in their new homes. [Jen's comment: This is true! I read stories where parents went back to adopt a second child and they brought their first with them and the say it was much like a homecoming celebration- all the caregivers were so excited to see the first child and how well he/she was doing!] Many US doctors have commented on the good care of the children upon their arrival home, and one is even quoted as saying, "We aren't sure what Kazakhstan does right, or what other countries do wrong." They are amazed at how well the children look upon arrival home after being adopted, saying these children do not look like typical children who have lived in an orphanage setting.There are multiple reasons that children are living in these institutionalized settings, called Baby houses in Kazakhstan, such as relinquishment or termination of parental rights, abandonment, death of birth parents, economic strife, unwed birth mothers, as well as a number of other reasons. When children are abandoned, either at birth or later, the custodianship and guardianship bodies of the local Departments of Education try to locate the child's birth parents, but often time the birth mother has left false information, making it impossible to locate her. In some regions, Hospital officials will go to the address that the birth mother gave at the time of admission, but often they are unsuccessful in finding the birth mother or any other family members. In the case of abandonment, the Akim, Hospital or Department of Health (Depending on the region) will write up an abandonment act which will allows the child to be placed into the Baby House. If a child is considered to be a "foundling" meaning literally "found" outside of the police station, hospital, park, etc. with no identifying information, the Ministry of Internal Affairs (the Militia) will try to find the birth parents or some family member who can be responsible for the child. If they are unsuccessful in their attempts to find a family member, the child is placed for adoption. The children must be on the local registry for 3 months and then on the national registry for 3 more months before they can be adopted internationally. The youngest child to be adopted from Kazakhstan will be at least 6 months old. Not all of the children living in the orphanages are cleared for adoption because parents have written a letter or family comes to visit them from time to time.
The Baby Houses are unique due to their staff and daily routines with the children. The baby houses are staffed with doctors and nurses and specialists such as speech therapists, physical therapists, neurologists, massage therapists, music teachers, and nannies. It is similar to a residential medical facility. The children have three full meals per day along with 3 snacks per day. Infants, of course, are on their own feeding schedule. The children are divided into groups according to their ages. There are typically 8-12 children per group depending on their age and there is one primary caregiver per group and 2 nannies to care for them at all time. Each child is assigned a primary caregiver so the child is able to establish a bond with someone in the important early stages of brain development and attachment. The daily routine of the children, while a very strict schedule, allows them to engage in playtime with their friends, attend music lessons twice per week, learn dances and poems, and work with a speech therapist every day for up to 30 minutes! Children under one year of age work with a massage therapist and physical therapist routinely to aid them in developing gross motor skills and muscle development. This interaction with these specialists provides stimulation, which allows them to learn musical patterns, sing memorized songs, enhance gross and fine motor skills, improve receptive and expressive language, and have interaction that will help them with their cognitive and emotional development. Around the holidays or special occasions the children wear costumes and will put on performances to a variety of audiences!
The Baby Houses and Orphanages are often very stark in the outside appearance, however the inside walls are typically covered with colorful murals of animals and characters which creates a child friendly environment. The baby houses and orphanages are very clean and free of debris, and toys are neatly stored on shelves. The building is usually a two-story facility that has a full kitchen, laundry room, play rooms, therapy rooms, and bedrooms where the children are grouped by age. Several children sleep in the same room in separate beds, which are lined up in rows. The outside often has a playground and a covered area that seats many children for outside play. Often times the playground and outside equipment is in need of updating and repair, however, the orphanage budget does not have the money to replace or repair the equipment, so they do the best with what they have.
The workers are very protective of the children's health, as an illness can quickly spread creating an epidemic throughout the entire house. The children are sent to the hospital for fevers and other illness we might consider to be minor because the caregivers are trying to keep all of the children free from getting sick. The workers are also very careful with the people that come into contact with the children and enter the baby house so they can limit the exposure to germs to the children.
Kazakhstan's first lady Sara Alpysovna Nazarbaeva is the President of "Bobek" Children's Foundation, established in 1992, and is the winner of The International I. Dogramachi World Health Organization Prize and The International Unity Prize. She has dedicated her life to underprivileged children, and has taken upon herself the responsibility for thousands of orphaned and handicapped children. She has created this foundation to help mother and child care, provide supervision of foundling homes and orphanages, provide equipment and supplies to schools, aid gifted children from low-income families, and assist to the child health care system. In 1997 she launched the first National Children's Rehabilitation Center and the "SOS Children's Villages of Kazakhstan" which are the family villages for orphans. Mrs. Nazarbaeva plans on building these children's villages so the orphaned children can live in a family setting. These children's villages consist of several houses build together in a group where many children live in one house with several caretakers. Mrs. Nazarbaeva understands the need for the family, and her plans for the children's villages will enable the orphaned children to grow up in a family atmosphere.
With this type of dedication to the children, stemming all the way from the top of the political structure, it is no doubt the children are so well cared for in Kazakhstan. This is a country that deeply loves it's children and wants what is best for them. It is with great honor that adoption agencies are able to work in this beautiful, kind, and compassionate country. We support them by assisting in providing loving homes and care for these precious orphaned children of Kazakhstan who are so loved by their country.
When I first read this, I admit, the cynical side of me said, "Is this true, or is this just sugar coating the reality in order to do a sell job?" Again, from all the family websites I've read, this is very much the truth. Not all the baby houses are the same, but there are standards for each one. Back to the 5-7 weeks though. Why that long? Well in the spirit of caring for the children, the country wants to ensure that the best match possible is made between the parents and the child. They way they do this is by mandating a 15 day visitation period during which the parents and the baby have a chance to bond. It is also during this time that the parents can refuse a baby. So basically in our case, we would show up at the baby house with our translator and we would talk to the director of the baby house. She would ask more questions to determine if we were fit to parent one of the babies. After that appointment, we would get to meet our daughter. From that point, we would visit the baby house every day (except possibly Sundays depending on the region) twice a day for 1-2 hours each time. Typical visits are from 10-12 and then 4-6. We would just get to take her into the play room and play with her and maybe even feed her. That's basically it for 15 days. On our off time, we'll have a translator and a driver and that's where we get to do the tourist thing- go see the sites, go shopping, eat out, etc. We will also have an apartment while over there. Usually a simple one bedroom. The driver will pick us up each day and take us wherever we want to go and drop us off again when we're done at the end of the day. Our job is simply to bond with our baby, not worry about how to survive in a different country. At the end of 15 days, we will go to court before a judge and ask him to allow our baby girl to actually become "ours." Again, he will ask many questions and we will have to prove that we are a good match and we bonded to the baby, and she to us. We'll have pictures to show and typically a caregiver will come and offer supporting evidence. Once the judge gives us his approval, the baby will officially be our daughter by Kaz law!! Up until this point, she will not be ours, but on this day, if the judge gives his approval, we'll be a family! After that, it will take awhile for the paperwork to get in order. We will still maintain visits at the baby house. Some regions allow the parents to take the child back to their apartment to live. There are obvious pros and cons to both continuing regular visitations and bringing the baby to live with us in the apartment. We'll make that decision (if given to us) when the time comes. Once we have the paperwork ready, we and our daughter will travel to Almaty which is where the US embassy is. The time in Almaty averages a week. This is where she'll have her final medical examination and we'll apply for her visa to get into the states. Once we have her US paperwork ready, it's homeward bound! Which, (grumble) depending on the length of layovers is anywhere from 22 to 36 hours of traveling. Ugh!! I'm sure we'll be excited to be home though. I think that effectively describes both why we chose Kazakhstan as well as the need for the long stay.
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Tuesday
1.31.06 - The Agencies
Out of all the agencies that work with Kazakhstan, we narrowed it down to two that we would be interested in working with. We had phone appointments with both today. We came up with about 18 questions this weekend that we wanted to know about. Both agencies (I'll refrain from naming them out of respect for the one we don't choose) seemed pretty equivalent. Both people we talked to were very nice, very knowledgeable, and very helpful. One agency is on the east coast (Eastern Time Zone) and so we called her at 7am this morning and chatted for about 45 minutes. The other agency was very flexible and we were able to call her at 6:30 this evening.
Basically both are well known for their work in Kaz. They both offer great in country services. One agency even provides cell phones. Another agency keeps a lawyer in country to help out as needed. Um... I'm trying to think of what the interesting points are. I guess ask and I shall respond. :-)
Know what though? Kaz is just south of Siberia! Cool isn't it?! Well... actually (no pun intended) it's very cold. In the northern regions, the average January temp (average!!) is -18 F. Holy criminey crickets!! And I thought MN was cold. Now granted, I've seen -25 here (not including the windchill- with the windchill it was like -40), but still. When I looked at maps that showed latitude lines, MN is about 45 degrees, and central Kaz is about 50 degrees which is equivalent to the southern part of Canada. I just thought it was pretty nifty that if all goes well, we'll be going practically to Siberia for a kid! :-)
Oh! I also figured out how to pronounce the name of the country. Both ladies pronounced it the same way. The last part is stan- just like all the other stans. But the first part is like Cause. And not the shortened version of because (which is more like a 'cuz'), but like "I'm fighting for this great cause." So it's Cause-ick-stan. Weird. I'm still struggling with the cause part. Seems to me it should either be Koz (like Cozumel) or Kaz (like in cat). But nope. Causeickstan. Hmph. I'll get used to it.
Back to the agency debate, we haven't decided. I mean I think we have, we just haven't deliberately chosen. It's one of those things where they're both good so all we have to go off of is our gut.
So here's a new wrench kinda thrown in. Which is a good wrench overall, but it doesn't benefit us really. Ok, so you all know I took this new job. The peak part of it is scheduled for the December time frame. When I took the job, I made a commitment to them. My goal for adopting is to have the kid after that time. Ideally that would be the spring of 2007 at the earliest. Well in talking to both agencies today, they said that the average time through their process (keep in mind every agency, home study group, and country is different) is 9-12 months from start to finish. EEEKS!!! Since we're "starting" that puts us at October-January which is the EXACT time I won't be ready. So the good news is the process is nice and fast. The bad news is that we'll have to slow down the front end stuff so that we can time it such that I'll be able to keep that commitment to work. Oh sure if it were an unplanned pregnancy we'd all have to deal with it- life moves on and I'm hardly irreplaceable. Nonetheless, I made a commitment and this isn't "unplanned" and I would not feel ethically good about what I was doing. And I want to feel good when I go to pick up my kid! :-)
So again what does that mean? Nothing much other than we're not in a hurry. If we were in a hurry Jim and I would have picked the agency and instead of typing to you, I'd be filling out the application. Instead we'll probably mull the agency decision over and go buy some great books that were recommended to us today. And figure out who we want to do our homestudy too. No matter how you slice that, it's still a 3-4 month process.
I did ask what we're some things that would make them turn down our application. There is nothing that caught my attention. i.e. If you tell the agency that you have no arrests and then they find out later (through finger printing and FBI checks) that when you were 16, you got busted drinking (oops, you forgot about that one!), then they'll automatically dismiss you for lying. But basically as long as the health is good, no troubles with the law, and we pass the homestudy, we're in. I'm pretty positive we're batting 2 for 3 right now. Unless of course we go to the doc for our health exams and find out we have some deadly cancer or something. (Had to throw that in for Jim's benefit!)
Blah, blah, blah... I think I'm rambling now. Must be getting tired.
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Basically both are well known for their work in Kaz. They both offer great in country services. One agency even provides cell phones. Another agency keeps a lawyer in country to help out as needed. Um... I'm trying to think of what the interesting points are. I guess ask and I shall respond. :-)
Know what though? Kaz is just south of Siberia! Cool isn't it?! Well... actually (no pun intended) it's very cold. In the northern regions, the average January temp (average!!) is -18 F. Holy criminey crickets!! And I thought MN was cold. Now granted, I've seen -25 here (not including the windchill- with the windchill it was like -40), but still. When I looked at maps that showed latitude lines, MN is about 45 degrees, and central Kaz is about 50 degrees which is equivalent to the southern part of Canada. I just thought it was pretty nifty that if all goes well, we'll be going practically to Siberia for a kid! :-)
Oh! I also figured out how to pronounce the name of the country. Both ladies pronounced it the same way. The last part is stan- just like all the other stans. But the first part is like Cause. And not the shortened version of because (which is more like a 'cuz'), but like "I'm fighting for this great cause." So it's Cause-ick-stan. Weird. I'm still struggling with the cause part. Seems to me it should either be Koz (like Cozumel) or Kaz (like in cat). But nope. Causeickstan. Hmph. I'll get used to it.
Back to the agency debate, we haven't decided. I mean I think we have, we just haven't deliberately chosen. It's one of those things where they're both good so all we have to go off of is our gut.
So here's a new wrench kinda thrown in. Which is a good wrench overall, but it doesn't benefit us really. Ok, so you all know I took this new job. The peak part of it is scheduled for the December time frame. When I took the job, I made a commitment to them. My goal for adopting is to have the kid after that time. Ideally that would be the spring of 2007 at the earliest. Well in talking to both agencies today, they said that the average time through their process (keep in mind every agency, home study group, and country is different) is 9-12 months from start to finish. EEEKS!!! Since we're "starting" that puts us at October-January which is the EXACT time I won't be ready. So the good news is the process is nice and fast. The bad news is that we'll have to slow down the front end stuff so that we can time it such that I'll be able to keep that commitment to work. Oh sure if it were an unplanned pregnancy we'd all have to deal with it- life moves on and I'm hardly irreplaceable. Nonetheless, I made a commitment and this isn't "unplanned" and I would not feel ethically good about what I was doing. And I want to feel good when I go to pick up my kid! :-)
So again what does that mean? Nothing much other than we're not in a hurry. If we were in a hurry Jim and I would have picked the agency and instead of typing to you, I'd be filling out the application. Instead we'll probably mull the agency decision over and go buy some great books that were recommended to us today. And figure out who we want to do our homestudy too. No matter how you slice that, it's still a 3-4 month process.
I did ask what we're some things that would make them turn down our application. There is nothing that caught my attention. i.e. If you tell the agency that you have no arrests and then they find out later (through finger printing and FBI checks) that when you were 16, you got busted drinking (oops, you forgot about that one!), then they'll automatically dismiss you for lying. But basically as long as the health is good, no troubles with the law, and we pass the homestudy, we're in. I'm pretty positive we're batting 2 for 3 right now. Unless of course we go to the doc for our health exams and find out we have some deadly cancer or something. (Had to throw that in for Jim's benefit!)
Blah, blah, blah... I think I'm rambling now. Must be getting tired.
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Sunday
1.22.06 - Timing
I've posted a picture of what we understand the timing to be. The boxes show the longest it could be, the red dot is the shortest. Again, this is our understanding. The timing could change, and we'll know more after we go through all the approvals. I put this together just to get an idea of the time frame we were looking at in terms of finances- saving up a ton of money and all that. Click on the image for a view that will actually be readable.
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1.22.06 - What's Next?
So now that we've started getting the word out there, the question "What's next?" keeps coming up.
We've got to gather A LOT of documentation. This is takes a lot of time- you can see why this next step takes 2-4 months alone! Ok, here goes:
Ah well, such is life I suppose.
So that's the next step in a nutshell after handing in our application.
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We've got to gather A LOT of documentation. This is takes a lot of time- you can see why this next step takes 2-4 months alone! Ok, here goes:
Personal Information
- Certified copies of birth certificates for you, your spouse, and any children already living in your home;
- Certified copies of adoption decrees for any adopted children already living in your home;
- Certified copies of your marriage certificate;
- Certified copies of any death certificates for former spouses; and
- Certified copies of any divorce decrees for you and/or your spouse.
- Verification of employment on company letterhead (even if you are self-employed);
- Income verification (usually copies of your federal tax returns for the last three years);
- Proof of life insurance, including the names of beneficiaries;
- Proof of health insurance;
- Verification of all monetary assets on institution letterhead (including checking account, savings account, 401k balance, stocks, money market accounts, mutual funds, etc.);
- Debt information (balances on your credit cards, cars, house, etc.);
- Mortgage or rent information (amount of monthly payment and amount of equity you have if you own your home).
- Results of a recent physical exam;
- Results of a criminal background check;
- Public health inspection if your home has a septic system;
- Fire safety inspection;
- Letter from your veterinarian stating that all your pets are healthy and current on their vaccinations;
- Photographs of you, your spouse, and any children already living in your home;
- Photographs of the front, back, and inside of your home;
- Copy of any previous homestudy (if applicable);
- Written references.
Ah well, such is life I suppose.
So that's the next step in a nutshell after handing in our application.
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Saturday
1.21.06 - We've Decided on a Country!!
It's Kazakhstan!!! :-) We made the decision tonight that we're going to do everything we can to adopt a little girl from Kaz. We're so excited!! We want to go right now! :-)
Here's some info on Kazakhstan as I imagine most people don't know much about the country. Settle down for a history/geography lesson. Information provided is taken from World Partners Adoption website.
Kazakhstan is the second largest country, geographically, to come out of the former USSR and possess enormous untapped natural resources. Oil is abundant, with the world's tenth largest reserves and a plentiful supply of other minerals and metals. It also has considerable agricultural potential as well, as the steppe lands are perfect for livestock and grain production.
Kazakstan is roughly five times the size of France or slightly over one-third the size of the continental United States. It shares borders with China to the East, Russia to the North, Uzbekistan to the West and Kirghizian to the south.
Here's some info on Kazakhstan as I imagine most people don't know much about the country. Settle down for a history/geography lesson. Information provided is taken from World Partners Adoption website.
Kazakhstan is the second largest country, geographically, to come out of the former USSR and possess enormous untapped natural resources. Oil is abundant, with the world's tenth largest reserves and a plentiful supply of other minerals and metals. It also has considerable agricultural potential as well, as the steppe lands are perfect for livestock and grain production.
Kazakstan is roughly five times the size of France or slightly over one-third the size of the continental United States. It shares borders with China to the East, Russia to the North, Uzbekistan to the West and Kirghizian to the south.
At the end of the 14th century the Kazaks began to appear as a distinct Turkic-speaking people. Living as nomadic shepherds each clan was like a nation unto itself and eventually several of these clans came together to form one Kazak nation, but by 1730 they were already seeking Russian assistance to help in their struggle against Mongolian invaders. As history would show, this turned out to be a mixed blessing. With the communist takeover in 1917, the Soviet Union took the land as State property and under Stalin close to 2 million Kazaks died. After World War Two, so many Russians moved to Kazakstan that the Kazaks became a minority in their own country. Migrating Russians began to threaten the Kazak way of life. As a republic within the USSR (1920-91), Kazakhstan suffered greatly from Stalinist purges, from environmental damage, and saw the ethnic Russian portion of its population rise to 37% while other non-Kazakhs made up almost 20%.
Today much has changed. Russians are still to be seen in large numbers, but Kazakstan is now an independent nation. It still is influenced a great deal by its big brother to the north and it looks like this tendency will increase in the near future. Current issues include the pace of market reform and privatization; fair and free elections and democratic reform; ethnic differences between Russians and Kazakhs; environmental problems; and how to convert the country's abundant energy resources into a better standard of living.
The population of the country is just over 17 million people of which most, if not all speak Russian. Kazak, although the official language, is spoken rarely in day to day living. The population breakdown is Kazak 46%, Russian 34.7%, Ukrainian 4.9%German 3.1% Uzbek 2.3%, Tatar 1.9%, other 7.1% (1996).
Our waiting children are as young as 6months old at the time of placement up to age 10 years! We work in several regions which include a Maternity Hospital and several Baby Houses. The Staff in both the hospital and baby houses are very dedicated to our waiting children and take very good care of them until they find their forever families!
The ethnic background of most of the children available is Asian-Kazakh, however Eurasian and occasionally Russian Caucasian, German, Korean, Tatar and Gypsy children and other ehtnicities are available.
The infants in the Maternity Hospital remain there until they are 6 months old, then they are transfered to a baby house. We try to place them before they are moved from the hospital. In both the hospital and baby house, our children receive specialized care from the doctors and nurses. The Baby houses are actually medical facilities that consist of a staff of Doctors, Nurses, and a diverse team of Specialists. These include Neurologists, Orthopedic Specialists, Speech Pathologists, Physical Therapists, and Teachers. The children are evaluated on a daily basis in terms of their medical health and overall development. A common day in the baby house consists of music lessons, massage therapy, physical education, play therapy, and speech therapy.
Kazakhstan is known for it's high standard in child care, and the baby houses are impressive in terms of cleanliness and genuine love for the children. Our facilitator is a neurologist who has an excellent rapport with the baby house doctors, and with this unique team of experts, we are able to gather the most comprehensive information available about the child or children you wish to adopt. Photographs, videos and medical reports will also be available for your review.
The children, as mentioned above, are very well cared for in Kazakhstan. The adult/child ratio in the baby house is 1:6. The children remain with their own age group (usually 10-12 children) and each group always has at least two caregivers. This stability in their environment facilitates their emotional development and ability to form attachments with their caregivers.
So that's some background info for you on Kazakhstan, the culture, and the children. What's next? Now we submit our application to our agency of choice, apply for immigration clearance, and sign up for the home study. Just a note- any time during this process, we could be rejected for whatever reason. Just because we picked a country or decided to adopt by no means makes it a "sure thing."
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1.21.06 Playing Around
Nothing new to write today. I am just trying to figure out how to add photos when the need arises. Jim is a graphic artist and has been teaching me how to make the pictures look pretty cool. Of course, everything I have shown here was created in about 10 minutes- hardly the work of an expert, but not bad for a novice!! :-) I used a picture of Jazmynn and Bitty because they're so cute when they cuddle together.
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Thursday
1.19.06 - Narrowing Down the Countries
Well we decided to pick our country. Our rationale is that by picking our country, we can then pick our agency. Once we pick our agency, we can do our homestudy through someone our agency has worked with in the past for ease of process sake. This assumes that the agency we choose is out of state. If they were in state, they would do our homestudy as well. We don't absolutely have to do it this way, but it gives me a piece of mind to have some of the ambiguity removed. I like having a plan. :-)
Since I (Jen) have been doing all the research, I compiled a bunch of information and gave it to Jim to read over. I imagine it will take him a few days as there are some great blogs out there. My favorite was so good it was like reading a book- I couldn't put it down. I think it took me two hours from start to finish.
I've got two countries in mind, but I'll refrain from mentioning them for now. Who knows- after Jim does his reading, he may come up with a completely different country. We shall see.
I've become addicted to the blogs. I just keep reading and reading more information. Once Jim started reading some of what I passed on to him, his interest level spiked even more. I'm really excited to see what he comes back to me with.
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Since I (Jen) have been doing all the research, I compiled a bunch of information and gave it to Jim to read over. I imagine it will take him a few days as there are some great blogs out there. My favorite was so good it was like reading a book- I couldn't put it down. I think it took me two hours from start to finish.
I've got two countries in mind, but I'll refrain from mentioning them for now. Who knows- after Jim does his reading, he may come up with a completely different country. We shall see.
I've become addicted to the blogs. I just keep reading and reading more information. Once Jim started reading some of what I passed on to him, his interest level spiked even more. I'm really excited to see what he comes back to me with.
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Sunday
1.15.06 Part II - Questions You Have
So now I suppose you have a lot of questions: Why? From where? How long? Tell me the details! :-) All right, I'll go back to the beginning. One day in early 2002 I was at work and I don't even remember the circumstances of the day. What I do remember though was that during lunch, I just felt this overwhelming voice speaking to me and putting the words "Adopt a little girl" on my heart- and in my brain, and into the very tingling of my finger tips. Now like most people I thought this voice and reaction was crazy, but nonetheless I researched international adoption during lunch that day. I didn't say anything to Jim. I just kept thinking about it and looking at websites. Finally it got to the point where I couldn't contain myself any longer. I sat Jim down and I intro'd the conversation with, "Please don't laugh at me, and please don't say no right away. Just think about it. Please." He listened and he didn't laugh. He didn't give an answer right away. The biggest thing he had to think about as I'm sure most people who adopt think about, and even the grandma's and grandpa's to-be have to think about: "Can I love an adopted child like I could a biological child?" It didn't take Jim very long to come to the conclusion of YES!!
So we started sending away for information packets and birth certificates and marriage certificates. We researched and even went to a meeting at one of the local agencies. We decided if we were going to do this, we would need room for a child so we started looking around for bigger houses. And of course a bigger yard for our dogs. Ok, ok, the bigger house and bigger yard were both for our dogs, but we also moved because of our desire to adopt.
After that, three years went by. It wasn't that the desire wasn't there, it was financial issues as well as remodeling projects as well as... Well you know how life sometimes interrupts important plans. :-) I truly believe we just weren't in the right place at during those past years. Jim and I have done a lot of growing in the past few years. Of course we brought it up every now and then and we talked about it. It was always "when we adopt" not "if we adopt." We kept this from everyone. No one really knew about it. It's a very scary process. Much like I would imagine trying to get pregnant is. You want to tell people you're starting your family planning, but really that's just too intimate and besides, "What if nothing happens???" Same thing here.
Except now we've decided we're going to go for it!!! :-)
Isn't all that ambiguity I mentioned just a moment ago still here though? (I knew you were going to ask that!) Well yes, it is of course. But for us, nothing will be certain until "Gotcha Day" which is when we will bring our child home, where as when a pregnant woman starts showing- she pretty much goes public. So we have to draw the line in the sand somewhere- or to continue the similarity- the day we "conceive." We decided that was decision day. Decision to formally start the process.
So what were some of the other questions you had? Oh yes- from where? Don't know yet. We're still looking at a whole bunch of countries. We won't have to formally choose until after we go through the homestudy and are ready to choose an agency. What's a homestudy? A homestudy is where we fill out hundreds of documents stating our reasons, our complete list of employers, our letters of reference, fingerprints that go to the FBI (no joke), criminal reports in any Police department anywhere, child abuse records, how much we make a year, etc, etc. Every aspect of our life that can be probed into will be probed into. And to top it off, we'll have a social worker visit us at our home to talk with us in person to determine if we will be fit parents, if our home is a good place to raise a child, if we have adequate living area for the child, what type of health insurance we'll be able to provide, who will take care of the child once we bring him/her home, and the list goes on and on.
The next question you asked ;-) is how long? It depends on many things some of which we can control, most of which we can't. Pulling together all those documents and getting them notarized takes times. The home study takes time. Each country has a certain amount of time to translate the documents provide us with a referral or letter of invitation. Essentially from the day we fill out our application from to the day we bring our child home could be anywhere between 8 months and 24 months.
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So we started sending away for information packets and birth certificates and marriage certificates. We researched and even went to a meeting at one of the local agencies. We decided if we were going to do this, we would need room for a child so we started looking around for bigger houses. And of course a bigger yard for our dogs. Ok, ok, the bigger house and bigger yard were both for our dogs, but we also moved because of our desire to adopt.
After that, three years went by. It wasn't that the desire wasn't there, it was financial issues as well as remodeling projects as well as... Well you know how life sometimes interrupts important plans. :-) I truly believe we just weren't in the right place at during those past years. Jim and I have done a lot of growing in the past few years. Of course we brought it up every now and then and we talked about it. It was always "when we adopt" not "if we adopt." We kept this from everyone. No one really knew about it. It's a very scary process. Much like I would imagine trying to get pregnant is. You want to tell people you're starting your family planning, but really that's just too intimate and besides, "What if nothing happens???" Same thing here.
Except now we've decided we're going to go for it!!! :-)
Isn't all that ambiguity I mentioned just a moment ago still here though? (I knew you were going to ask that!) Well yes, it is of course. But for us, nothing will be certain until "Gotcha Day" which is when we will bring our child home, where as when a pregnant woman starts showing- she pretty much goes public. So we have to draw the line in the sand somewhere- or to continue the similarity- the day we "conceive." We decided that was decision day. Decision to formally start the process.
So what were some of the other questions you had? Oh yes- from where? Don't know yet. We're still looking at a whole bunch of countries. We won't have to formally choose until after we go through the homestudy and are ready to choose an agency. What's a homestudy? A homestudy is where we fill out hundreds of documents stating our reasons, our complete list of employers, our letters of reference, fingerprints that go to the FBI (no joke), criminal reports in any Police department anywhere, child abuse records, how much we make a year, etc, etc. Every aspect of our life that can be probed into will be probed into. And to top it off, we'll have a social worker visit us at our home to talk with us in person to determine if we will be fit parents, if our home is a good place to raise a child, if we have adequate living area for the child, what type of health insurance we'll be able to provide, who will take care of the child once we bring him/her home, and the list goes on and on.
The next question you asked ;-) is how long? It depends on many things some of which we can control, most of which we can't. Pulling together all those documents and getting them notarized takes times. The home study takes time. Each country has a certain amount of time to translate the documents provide us with a referral or letter of invitation. Essentially from the day we fill out our application from to the day we bring our child home could be anywhere between 8 months and 24 months.
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1.15.06 Part I - January 14- Decision Day
After 4 years of having the desire to adopt on our hearts, we finally made the decision to start the process. And oh what a long process it will be. There are so many aspects to it all, it makes my head swim!
That is one of the reasons for this blog though. We wanted a place to capture our thoughts as well as keep our friends and family up to date. Initially this will be a little chaotic until I figure out how I want to do this and what to share.
I still have to wrap my mind around how I will organize it. With blogs, the first entry starts at the bottom of the page and the most previous entry is at the top. Natural human tendency is to start at the top of the page and read down though. How to organize it in such a way that is in keeping with the technical capabilities of the program yet still makes sense to the average person will be key here.
We would like this post to be a place where family and friends can find out the latest news on what we're doing. A place where inclusion is the name of the game. I read a book titled Adoption is a Family Affair which is written to family members and friends of the couple that is planning to adopt and there was a quote in there that made a lot of sense to me, but I also took it one step further. Let me give you the quote first. "Treat waiting adopters as expectant-- giggle and fuss! Maree remarked, 'If I were six months pregnant, people would be drooling over me, but since I'm expecting by adoption, I get so much nonchalance, shock, and plain old rudeness. Adoption is sometimes treated as not being 'real' (and, of course, with all the hopes and fears, some of us hold back in our excitement) therefore, it would be helpful for those around us to understand our need to be treated as if we are expecting, or pregnant by adoption.'" That being said, neither of us have felt the "shock" or "rudeness" that some people feel so please put your mind at ease if you thought I was directing those comments at anyone specifically. The point of that is the next step to which I took that quote was that if we were literally pregnant instead of pregnant by adoption, we'd be sharing those moments with you! We'd be showing our ultrasound pictures off like proud parents-to-be. We'd be telling you horror stories of morning sickness and weight gain and sympathy weight and weird cravings and when the baby starts to kick, and yes, even with some of our closer friends, we'd tell more of the intimate details of cramps and sleepless nights and number of bathroom runs per day.
Well adoption is the same thing only different. As I wrote in an e-mail earlier today, being pregnant literally or being pregnant through adoption requires a lot of waiting, a lot of praying, a lot of wondering what the baby will be like, a lot of anticipation, a lot of fear, a lot of excitement... It doesn't matter if the baby comes from within or from an external source. The emotions are all there just as poignantly in either situation.
We'd like to share that with you, and I am taking a leap of faith (though I believe it to be a miniscule leap knowing all of you) that you are interested in sharing with us.
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That is one of the reasons for this blog though. We wanted a place to capture our thoughts as well as keep our friends and family up to date. Initially this will be a little chaotic until I figure out how I want to do this and what to share.
I still have to wrap my mind around how I will organize it. With blogs, the first entry starts at the bottom of the page and the most previous entry is at the top. Natural human tendency is to start at the top of the page and read down though. How to organize it in such a way that is in keeping with the technical capabilities of the program yet still makes sense to the average person will be key here.
We would like this post to be a place where family and friends can find out the latest news on what we're doing. A place where inclusion is the name of the game. I read a book titled Adoption is a Family Affair which is written to family members and friends of the couple that is planning to adopt and there was a quote in there that made a lot of sense to me, but I also took it one step further. Let me give you the quote first. "Treat waiting adopters as expectant-- giggle and fuss! Maree remarked, 'If I were six months pregnant, people would be drooling over me, but since I'm expecting by adoption, I get so much nonchalance, shock, and plain old rudeness. Adoption is sometimes treated as not being 'real' (and, of course, with all the hopes and fears, some of us hold back in our excitement) therefore, it would be helpful for those around us to understand our need to be treated as if we are expecting, or pregnant by adoption.'" That being said, neither of us have felt the "shock" or "rudeness" that some people feel so please put your mind at ease if you thought I was directing those comments at anyone specifically. The point of that is the next step to which I took that quote was that if we were literally pregnant instead of pregnant by adoption, we'd be sharing those moments with you! We'd be showing our ultrasound pictures off like proud parents-to-be. We'd be telling you horror stories of morning sickness and weight gain and sympathy weight and weird cravings and when the baby starts to kick, and yes, even with some of our closer friends, we'd tell more of the intimate details of cramps and sleepless nights and number of bathroom runs per day.
Well adoption is the same thing only different. As I wrote in an e-mail earlier today, being pregnant literally or being pregnant through adoption requires a lot of waiting, a lot of praying, a lot of wondering what the baby will be like, a lot of anticipation, a lot of fear, a lot of excitement... It doesn't matter if the baby comes from within or from an external source. The emotions are all there just as poignantly in either situation.
We'd like to share that with you, and I am taking a leap of faith (though I believe it to be a miniscule leap knowing all of you) that you are interested in sharing with us.
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